Staying Put

The following is a a record of tending my soul survival and protection during a crisis in the workplace and in my life September 2017, T3 at work as a school librarian in a troubled school. I'm currently writing and sharing at 'TELL IT' with Liz Lamoreux.

I've already been told I will not be a librarian 2018. Bullied. Intimidated.

My gentle soul is scared. Saturday 16th September, 2017

col yes.jpg

tell it warm up

Feeling a bit raw. The warm up helped me to access how I was really feeling.

I want to
forgive myself.

I want to give up
the grief of hiding
as if ‘I am’ shame.

That is what I am.
I had no story
I had no chance to live.

I was damned at the doorway
Forced not to come in.
Tears fall
warm then cool.

I want to just be me.

Thursday September 14th, 2017

Col As is.jpg


I place on the altar of dawn:

The quiet loyalty of breath,

The tent of thought where I shelter,

Waves of desire I am shore to

And all beauty drawn to the eye.

May my mind come alive today

To the invisible geography

that invites me to new frontiers,

To break the dead shell of yesterdays,

To risk being disturbed and changed.

May I have the courage today

To live the life that I would love,

To postpone my dream no longer

But do at last what I came here for

And waste my heart on fear no more.

John O'Donohue

Excerpt from, 'A Morning Offering'

17th September, 2017

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tell it day 1 map of here

Everyday I wake
to the comfort of
Being Nature.
I Belong Here.

My Body alerts me
to the story
my human heart
is facing.

It isn't always pretty.
Today it is chaotic
Messy and Painful.

Friday 15th September, 2017.

Medicine Portrait 1.jpg

Tell It Day 4

I come from all over.
Hidden depths support
the wave I navigate
to shore.

I come from silence.
Noisy thoughts
crowd the space
I am.

I come from
intention and
Just being
right now.

Monday September, 18th 2017

Col Shame and the ocean.jpg

tell it day 2 being gentle with myself

Someone tried to break me recently.

It's like being in a battle and shells thrown at you to break your armour.
I remained stable.
My Armour of Self Respect stayed strong.  
my skin crawled.
it will take months to wash that horror away.
in the meantime I have me.
The self respect, I am.
LOVE ~ Self love, true respect and honour.
For my battle Won.
You cannot break me.
you can never make me self hate.
or give up. run away,
from just being here.
I AM this place.
I am not your mirror for your hate.
Taste it Yourself.
I could see it in you, as you left.

Saturday 16th September, 2017

T 3 Rose left.

Last Battle.